A reader writes:
I work in a division of 9 individuals. All of us get alongside nicely, however I’m fighting the best way to deal with my frustrations with my colleague, Margo. Margo is probably essentially the most well-intentioned particular person I’ve ever met, however she has the infuriating behavior of bringing each dialog again to herself to clarify how she understands or has been by the identical factor.
This week, the transmission in my automobile died. Once I was lamenting to the group that I used to be now dealing with the monetary hardship of both repairing it or shopping for a brand new automobile, Margo instructed me, “I get it. I simply had to purchase model new tires for my automobile.”
A month in the past, a colleague’s father handed away and Margo instructed her, “I’m sorry. I do know simply how you’re feeling. My dad had Covid final yr.” He had a light case and recovered shortly.
When a colleague was coping with ache associated to her most cancers therapies, Margo expressed her concern after which shared that she completely obtained it as a result of she has foot issues.
The mother and father within the group strive to not discuss an excessive amount of about our kids as a result of not everybody within the division is a dad or mum, however when the topic comes up, Margo is aware of precisely what we’re going by as a result of she has a nephew … who lives on the opposite aspect of the nation.
Margo really doesn’t imply hurt with these statements however the best way she minimizes others’ ordeals by evaluating them to her personal is irritating. Is there a technique to politely let her know that merely saying she’s sorry is preferable to bringing every little thing again to herself?
I might like to know whether or not Margo is attempting to one-up individuals — or not less than equate her struggles to their very own — or whether or not she’s really attempting to empathize and simply doing a horrible job of it.
Both means, that is the sort of suggestions a supervisor is finest positioned to handle.
That doesn’t imply you may’t strive it your self, however as not her supervisor you could be higher off simply addressing it within the second when it’s significantly egregious. If she compares a stubbed toe to a coworker having most cancers therapies, there’s no purpose you may’t say, “I don’t suppose these are actually comparable.”
Additionally, when you have a reasonably good rapport along with her, you may be capable to take her apart privately and say one thing like, “I do know you didn’t imply it this fashion, nevertheless it sounded such as you have been evaluating your stubbed toe to Jane’s most cancers, and a few days in the past you in contrast a dad or mum with a light case of Covid to Falcon’s dad or mum who died. I do know you didn’t imply to attenuate both scenario, however I don’t suppose these feedback are touchdown the best way you meant. I wished to say it since I do know you’d by no means wish to damage somebody’s emotions.”
Will it work? Possibly, perhaps not. If you happen to say the above and nothing adjustments, you most likely simply must resolve that that is what Margo does and internally roll your eyes when it occurs (or hell, bluntly reply “not the identical factor!” if you’re impressed to). But it surely’s price a shot, and if she’s actually as well-intentioned as you say, she may be pleased about the heads-up.
